


One Last Night, One Last Chance

by Starlight1395



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Suicide, College AU, Drunk Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Open Ending, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, drunk but safe sex, frat party activities, mentioned self-harm, most members mentioned in passing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 00:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30131064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight1395/pseuds/Starlight1395
Summary: Jeongin goes to his first frat party at one last goodbye. He had three goals:1- Get wasted2- Get Laid3- Finally go through with his urges to jump from the campus bridgeUnfortunately, instead of hooking up with a stranger, Jeongin finds the one person at that party who might be able to get through to him. After a drunken fling with his classmate, Jeongin wonders if he was making a mistake.A mistake in leaving, or a mistake in staying, he wasn't sure.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 9
Kudos: 54





	One Last Night, One Last Chance

Jeongin grinned as he took the cup handed to him. Part of him was glad he never went to parties before, because no one knew who he was. No one knew he was the shy, anxious kid that his friends knew he was. They knew it almost too well, which was one reason that drove him to this frat party in the first place.

If he had to hear one more ‘you can’t use that kind of language around the baby!’ or ‘Shh Innie doesn’t know what sex is yet’ joke, he was going to lose his mind. He was twenty years old damnit! Just because he was the youngest in their group didn’t mean he was stupid, or inexperienced.

He made a face as he took a sip of whatever concoction was in his cup. It might have been beer, but it was more like watered down piss more than anything. God Jeongin hated beer, but it was free and he wanted to get drunk.

Not like spending money would really be an issue.

Scanning the room, Jeongin took another sip of his piss-beer. He had three goals for that evening-

1- Get Drunk

2- Get laid

3- Finally go through with his urges to jump off the campus bridge

He didn’t know what flipped that switch in him, but he knew it was his time. After almost five years of constantly wanting to die, he was finally going to give himself that break.

He was going to finally let go of all his flaws. His friends would miss him, sure, but he doubted they would care for long.

As much as they said they loved him, he knew better. He knew Hyunjin was closer to Seungmin and Felix than he was to him. He knew they cared about him, but he also knew they cared about one another _more_.

He really couldn’t stand himself. Jeongin was... worthless. He didn’t have any skills - sure he could dance, and he sang occasionally. He kept decent grades, and his professors seemed to like him well enough, but that was all he had. He couldn’t even keep a partner for more than a few weeks before they got bored of him...

“You look a little lost.” A voice said next to his ear, making him jump. Glancing over, he saw someone he actually recognized.

“Chan?” He couldn’t stop himself from saying.

“Never took you as a party guy.” Chan leaned on the wall, his own cup of piss-beer almost empty.

Jeongin and Chan shared a single class that met twice a week. It was an elective course for the both of them - as if Shakespeare could actually help Jeongin get his nursing degree. He literally never talked to the senior even once, but he liked listening to what Chan had to say in class, because the older boy always had the most interesting analysis for even the most boring lines.

He faintly knew that Hyunjin was friends with one of Chan’s friends, but he had been... pulling away from his friends recently.

“I’m usually not,” He swirled the beer in his cup. He took another sip and bit back a gag, which was not missed by Chan. “First time at a party.”

“I’m guessing you don’t like beer?” He asked with a chuckle. His eyes seemed to sparkle when Jeongin gave him a hesitant shake of the head. “What do you like then?”

“Wine,” he said easily. “Wine coolers... tequila. Whiskey.”

“Certainly an interesting combination,” Chan’s grin only brightened. “What if I said I had some tequila stashed away?”

“I would ask what you’d want for some.” What did he have to lose? He couldn’t do anything that would bite him in the ass, because he wouldn’t be alive by that time tomorrow for anything to come back.

“Follow me,” Chan offered a hand without a second thought, and Jeongin took it just as easily. Chan’s hands were warm and slightly calloused, his fingers thicker than Jeongin’s own. He wondered if Chan could feel how his hand trembled. “You cold?”

“No?”

“Oh, you’re shaking.”

“Oh... I just do that,” it was the medication, and the anxiety, and the fact that he hadn’t really eaten anything in the last three days. “It’s fine.”

“Do you need anything?” Why was Chan looking at him with such an expression? Why was he looking at Jeongin as if he actually cared? “A change of clothes? Something to eat? A hug?”

“I’ll be better as soon as I can get drunk,” He chuckled, wishing his chest hadn’t warmed so painfully after hearing the offer of a stupid _hug_. He really was just that pathetic, wasn’t he? “And maybe if you’re lucky, you can get me drunk enough to have a little fun.”

“Oh really?” Chan raised an eyebrow, smirking a little bit. “Who would have guessed Yang Jeongin had such a feisty side.”

“You know my name?” Jeongin asked before he knew what he was saying. Chan’s smirk dropped again, giving the younger boy’s hand a light squeeze as he brought them up the stairs. They had to push around some girls making out on the stairwell, but they didn’t even seem to notice the two boys walking past.

It was far quieter upstairs, but Jeongin could still feel the vibrations of the music through the floorboards. Chan led him to a closed door and pulled a key from his back pocket.

It was in that moment that Jeongin realized _this was Chan’s party._

“Of course I know your name,” Chan said, closing the door behind them. The music got even more muffled, the room mostly silent as Chan went to his bookshelf, where several bottles sat between stacks of textbooks, novels and journals. “Why wouldn’t I? We’ve had the same class all semester.”

“O-oh...” His heart hurt. “I... I just figured no one really knew who I was... I don’t exactly talk all that much...”

“But when you do, you have such interesting shit to say,” Chan said, turning back to the younger boy. “Here, dump that out the window and I’ll refill your cup.”

Jeongin did as he was told, doing his best to arc the piss-beer so it wouldn’t drip down the siding of the frat house. He closed the window and turned back to Chan, who was already cracking open a can of pineapple juice from the small fridge that hid under his desk. Without a word, Jeongin handed the older boy his cup, smirking a little at the tequila-to-juice ratio he was going to be drinking.

Taking a sip, he wrinkled his nose a little. It was more than half tequila.

“Perfect.” He grinned at Chan, who gave him a goofy grin of his own.

“Good,” He did the same, throwing back the last of his beer and pouring the rest of the juice in, topping it off with a generous helping of tequila. “Wouldn’t want your first party to be lame.”

“It’s already going better than I expected,” He said easily, sitting on the edge of the bed and patting next to him for Chan to sit. The older boy did, humming in question at what Jeongin meant. “Well, I was kinda expecting to suck some dick for some shots and get fucked by a stranger behind the house.”

Chan choked on his drink, coughing violently as Jeongin frantically pat his back. After a few moments he managed to get his breathing under control again and shot Jeongin an incredulous look.

“What?” Jeongin couldn’t help but pout a little. He had only had a few sips of his new drink, but with his stomach as empty as it was, he was already feeling the warmth in his fingertips.

“You’re... wow,” He laughed, taking another sip. “You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“Would you want to see some more surprises?” Jeongin asked, feeling bold. If he could sleep with anyone at this party, Chan would be his first pick. Chan seemed like the kind of person to make sure you came, even if he didn’t. Jeongin didn’t want his last orgasm to be lame.

“Maybe later,” Chan’s grin sharpened a little, one eyebrow raising as he raised his chin, looking down his nose a little at the younger boy. Jeongin felt his blood warm. “But the night is still young, and we’re still sober. Why don’t we go dance for a bit?”

“Sure,” Jeongin, as much as he wanted to get laid, wanted to dance too. He wanted to experience everything the party had to offer, because he would never have the chance again - this night was his last to feel alive, before he took a swan dive off the campus bridge. “I love dancing.”

“Me too.” Chan’s eyes turned up as he reached his hand back out again. Jeongin, once again, took it without hesitation. What was it about Chan that made Jeongin want to trust him so quickly?

Chan took a moment to lock his bedroom door behind them before pulling Jeongin back down to the party. In the short time they had been upstairs, the party seemed to double, the dancing spilling out from the living room out onto their back patio. There was even a pool which was packed with students in various stages of undress - Jeongin saw one guy wearing jeans and a hoodie playing volleyball in the shallow end with a girl who was completely naked.

Jeongin vaguely recognized the boy who was DJing. In the few times he had caught sight of Chan around campus, he was almost exclusively with one - or both - of two people, who he assumed were the older boy’s roommates.

The one boy, who was DJing, was shorter than Jeongin with really thick arms and a penchant for dark clothing, while the other had round cheeks and either dressed like a fuckboy, or a librarian. From what Jeongin had seen, there was no in between.

Chan pulled Jeongin onto the makeshift dancefloor, and Jeongin was a little surprised to see people making room for them. They all grinned at Chan, a few whistling as he pulled the younger boy closer to him.

“Is this okay?” Chan asked, just barely loud enough to hear over the music.

“Mm,” Jeongin hummed, grinding back on Chan’s dick, making the older boy let out a shuddering breath that landed on the back of Jeongin’s neck. “More than okay.”

Chan grinned and took a few gulps of his drink, his free hand wrapping around Jeongin’s waist and pulling him closer, his chest flush with the younger’s back. Jeongin grinned brightly and drained a third of his drink in a single go, absolutely _loving_ how the tequila seemed to make his body warm and fuzzy.

He swayed his hips to the beat, not caring that it was less dancing and more dry humping. He had never danced like this before at all, let alone _on_ someone else, and he was loving every second of it. Chan sang along, his hot breath against Jeongin’s neck as he kissed the younger boy’s shoulders and throat.

“I-is this your song?” Jeongin realized the voice coming from the stereos was oddly familiar - especially since the same voice was singing huskily right in his ear. He could feel Chan grinning against his flushed skin.

“Mm, most of the music that’s been played tonight is ours,” Chan said proudly, his palm pressed firmly on Jeongin’s lower stomach, his thumb tucked into his underwear waistband. His hand was almost painfully hot against his bare skin, and Jeongin craved more. “What do you think?”

“You’re really talented, hyung,” He leaned his head back, resting it on Chan’s shoulder so he could look his dance partner in the eye. Chan stared at him for a moment, almost shocked at the compliment. “Kind, talented, sexy... it’s almost unfair how perfect you are.”

“Jeongin-” Chan all but growled, leaning down and finally connecting their lips. Jeongin instantly opened his mouth, letting Chan taste the tequila on his tongue. He ground down harder on the older boy, trying to see how many cute little gasps he could coax from Chan before he snapped and dragged Jeongin back up to his room to make good on his promise from earlier.

“You taste so good hyung,” He let his eyes close a little, looking at Chan through half lidded eyes. Chan’s ears were fire engine red, and if the bulge pressing against his ass had anything to say, _very_ turned on. “Can I taste some more?”

He had hoped Chan would pick him up with those strong arms of him and sweep him away from the party, but he wasn’t too disappointed when the older boy just reconnected their lips, nipping and grinning into the choked sounds Jeongin would let out.

His entire body was on fire - he felt _alive_ -

All he needed to do to feel alive was to accept his own death, it seemed.

He wondered if Chan would care that Jeongin would never make it to their Shakespeare class again.

“Channie hyung! I need you on my team!” The boy with the round cheeks pushed through the crowd, not at all phased to see Chan’s tongue halfway down Jeongin’s throat. He just took Chan by the wrist and pulled him across the dance floor. Chan barely had a chance to, in turn, take Jeongin’s wrist, tugging the younger boy along as well. Jeongin was glad he had finished his drink, because he would have been disappointed if any of it spilled.

Jeongin found himself back in the house, where a long table was set up in a classic beer-pong set up. There were two guys on the far end that looked just a little too drunk to be able to aim well, while Chan and his friend were on the end closest to where Jeongin was standing - they both looked a little less drunk than their competition.

“You’re so going down.” The boy grinned as he handed Chan the first ping pong ball.

“You always say that Jisung.” One of the other boys scoffed. Jeongin recognized the name - was this Hyunjin's friend? 

“Maybe, but now that Channie hyung is here, ya’ll are _fucked_!”

Jeongin watched in amusement as Chan made shot after shot, taking out six of the fifteen cups they had set up. He was fairly sure you were supposed to play with ten, but he wasn’t going to say anything. By the time Chan finally missed a shot, the other two guys were looking green, chugging their own personal drinks as they set the cups of water to the side.

“Impressed yet?” Chan asked, winking at Jeongin as the other team took their first turn, missing the very first throw. Jisung took the next turn, sticking his tongue out as he did his best to aim properly.

“Very,” Jeongin smirked at him, his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip. He watched how Chan swallowed thickly before the older boy looked back up to his eyes. “Makes me wonder what else those skilled hands of yours could do.”

“J-Jeongin-” Chan choked, his entire face going as red as his ears had been. Jeongin thought it was adorable that the older boy could be so cocky one moment, then so flustered the next.

“Your turn again.” Jisung pulled Chan away from Jeongin, who crossed his arms and watched with a grin. Jisung had managed to get two cups out before missing, and the other team got one, which left them 14:8.

Jeongin focused on how Chan’s arms flexed oh so beautifully as he aimed and threw the ball, and wondered what it would feel like for those arms to pin him down to the bed. Chan got four more cups out before he missed again.

“They might as well give up now,” Jeongin joked as Chan leaned back towards him, letting the others take their turns. He wrapped his arms around Jeongin’s waist and pulled him in closer, pressing their fronts firmly against each other. Jeongin’s breath caught for a moment before his smirk grew. “You’re a monster on the beer pong field. What can’t you do?”

“Um, bowl?” Chan answered honestly, returning Jeongin’s sultry smile with a goofy one of his own. Jeongin couldn’t help but snort a little, his face softening. “I can’t sled either, if that makes it any worse.”

“I dunno hyung,” Jeongin pouted, tugging playfully on the strings of Chan’s hoodie, making the older boy blush more. “And here I thought you were good at _everything_.”

“I’m not _that_ perfect,” Chan laughed, pressing feather light kisses along Jeongin’s cheekbones and nose. Jeongin refused to acknowledge how his heart seemed to flutter at how... soft it all was. “But I try my best to be someone my friends can trust, and rely on.”

“You’re... too good,” He whispered. Why were his eyes stinging? He had come to terms with what he was going to do. He had everything set. He left his dorm unlocked, the note laying on his neatly made bed. He was drunk, and halfway to getting laid... Was he having second thoughts? He physically shook the thought from his head. He needed to harden his resolve - he couldn’t back down again. This had to be it. “Are- are they going to want you to play another round? Or can I steal your time?”

“Um,” Chan glanced behind him to inspect the game. The other team only had three cups left. “Here, let me finish this real fast and we can go upstairs, yeah?”

“I’ll be looking forward to it.” Jeongin purred, letting his hand run down Chan’s chest, his heart beating a little faster at how toned the older boy felt under his oversized hoodie.

Chan flushed before grinning and nodding, quickly giving Jeongin another kiss before turning his attention back to the game.

In under two minutes, the two guys were beaten and Jisung was cheering loudly, jumping around and hugging his friend in excitement.

“Victory shots for everyone!” He screamed. Jeongin felt someone handing him something and took it without thinking. Glancing in the new cup, he saw a shot's worth of whiskey at the bottom.

He grinned at Chan, who had a victory shot of his own. Keeping eye contact, Jeongin threw the shot back. Chan choked on his own shot a little, a drop of the amber liquid slipping from his lips. Jeongin surged forward and lapped the whiskey off Chan’s chin, his confidence only growing as the people around them started cheering for them.

“So, upstairs?” Jeongin asked innocently. Chan took the empty cup from Jeongin’s hand and shoved them at Jisung before grabbing Jeongin’s wrist and all but dragging him back towards the stairs.

Time blurred a little, the alcohol running hot through his veins. The next thing he knew, he was being pressed against a door, the music muffled. He moaned into Chan’s mouth as the older boy licked the last of the shot from Jeongin’s tongue.

Hands wandered his chest, making his breath catch in his throat. Chan removed his own hoodie first - showing he had been wearing nothing underneath - before kissing Jeongin deeply.

Jeongin wanted nothing more than to run his hands along Chan’s abs and pecs, biting and marking them as _his_ -

“Can I take your shirt off?” He asked, his words almost a whine. Jeongin, drunk as he was, thought he might tear up from how thoughtful Chan was being. They were both fucked up, and he was still being so gentle.

“Please-” He couldn’t wait for Chan to do it, so he ripped his shirt off, not caring where it ended up. He felt himself being lifted, Chan’s strong hands on his thighs as they kissed again. He wrapped his thighs around Chan’s hips, rolling his own hips and relishing in the breathless sounds the older boy was giving him.

Chan growled and bit down on Jeongin’s shoulder, making him cry out in pain. He froze and pulled back, concern shining through the drunk-glaze.

“Hyung, more?” Jeongin asked, which was all Chan needed.

He threw Jeongin onto the bed and towered over him, pinning the boy’s wrists above his head as he continued to bite and kiss down his chest. Jeongin writhed and cried out, each sharp pain marking another bruise that would bloom on his fair skin before the night ended.

“You’re so beautiful,” Chan murmured into Jeongin’s skin, tugging the younger boy’s pants off in a single, skilled motion. Jeongin preened under the praise, his blood burning through his veins like fire. He jumped at the feeling of fingers at his entrance, and soaked in the needy groan that came deep from Chan’s throat when he realized Jeongin was already stretched out. “Fucking gorgeous. You’re so pretty, kitten.”

“Hyung...” Jeongin whined, trying to push back on Chan’s fingers.

“Shh, let hyung take care of you.” Chan whispered, and there was nothing Jeongin could do but let Chan worship his body. He had left his dorms expecting something hard, boarding painful, with some stranger before limping his way over to the bridge, but this was something completely different.

Chan was almost too gentle, making sure to prep him even more, just to make sure he wouldn’t hurt the younger boy. He just smiled and kissed Jeongin’s whine away when he put the condom on - he didn’t _care_ about safety anymore. Nothing mattered anymore!

Chan kissed him to distract from the stretch, whispering praises between each of Jeongin’s desperate gasps.

“You’re going so good for me,” Chan murmured, making Jeongin’s throat sting. He ran his hands along Jeongin’s body, his touch trembling, as if he were in awe of the boy below him. “You feel so fucking good pup. Look at you, so beautiful under me.”

Jeongin hid his face in the pillow, unable to stomach the soft look on Chan’s face. He wasn’t beautiful. He wasn’t pretty, or gorgeous. There was no way Chan didn’t see the nasty scarring along his thigh, the freshest ones from just a few days prior. Jeongin knew this, even drunk, because he could feel how Chan avoided grabbing his right thigh, but would hold onto his left like his life depended on it.

He never wanted this to end. For the first time in years, he actually felt _happy_. His mind was foggy from the tequila, and his body was twisting and tensing in pure pleasure as

Chan worked him like an instrument he had been trained in all his life. It was almost scary how good Chan was making him feel, because _he_ couldn’t even make his own orgasms feel a fraction as good, and he was maybe halfway to his peak.

“You’re so good for hyung,” Chan continued, his hips rolling in a way that made Jeongin see stars. “You were so fucking hot, dancing on me like that. I thought I was going to lose control right then and there. You made it so hard to keep my cool.”

“Ah- hyung-” Jeongin cried into the pillow, his thighs shaking.

“And the flirting, fuck baby,” Chan grinned against Jeongin’s throat, nipping lightly along the bruises he had already left. “You’re so dangerous. You make me so weak.”

“Ah- cl-close hyung-” Jeongin wished he had trained himself to stop from cumming because he didn’t want this to end, but he could feel his high coming far too soon. There was a knot tightening in his gut, his back only arching more when the hands he so recently learned to adore wrapped around him.

“Cum for me, kitten,” Chan purred, angling his hips to make Jeongin see _white_. “Hyung wants to see the pretty faces you make... I want to hear the pretty sounds you make when you’re cumming on hyung’s cock-”

Jeongin snapped, his back arching off the bed as he came. He could feel Chan gripping his waist, keeping him firmly planted on his cock. His entire body shook from the strength of it, his vision clouded with little black dots. All he could hear was his own heartbeat, and his panting, and the sinful growl that Chan let out, teeth against Jeongin’s throat, as he came deep inside of the younger boy.

“Fuck...” Chan panted, his voice wrecked. “How are you feeling?”

“Fuck...” Was all he could respond. He was still panting, his thigh shaking violently as his muscles slowly started to relax.

“Words, pup.” Chan chuckled as he wiped the cum from Jeongin’s chest with one of his shirts. He quickly tied off the condom and threw it out, wanting to get back to Jeongin’s side as quickly as possible.

“Good,” He muttered, trying to calm his breathing. “So fucking good...”

“That’s good to hear,” Chan finished cleaning Jeongin up and helped the younger boy tug a hoodie on, covering his bare body and the beautiful marks that were blooming across it. He pressed soft kisses to Jeongin’s cheeks, his nose, his fingers. Jeongin whined weakly, his eyes getting too heavy to keep open. “Thank you, little one. You were so good. You’re so beautiful, Jeongin. Thank you for finding me tonight.”

“Hyung...” He didn’t know why he was crying, but the tears seemed to _burn_ as they soaked into the pillow. Chan didn’t seem too concerned as he let Jeongin cry silently. He held the boy against his chest and whispered praises and peppered more kisses on whatever skin he could reach.

Why was he being so fucking _nice_? How was Jeongin going to slip out of Chan’s bed and-

And-

_And kill himself?_

“You can go to sleep, baby,” Chan said softly, laying Jeongin down. Jeongin could feel a blanket had been placed over the mess they had made, and it was just another layer of affection that he didn’t deserve. “Hyung’ll be here when you wake up, okay? We... we can get breakfast in the morning, if you... want...”

He cut himself off with a yawn, his own eyes heavy. He hadn’t planned on getting drunk, and absolutely didn’t plan on kissing anyone, let alone fucking them, but Jeongin was just too damn alluring. He didn’t think he would have been able to tell the boy no to anything he might have asked for.

“Thank you, hyung,” Jeongin whispered. He felt Chan relax around him, the older boy’s breathing evening out as he fell into a drunk-and-orgasm-hazed sleep. Jeongin gently traced the lines of Chan’s face, making sure his light touches didn’t want him. He hoped he wouldn’t hurt Chan too much. “I’m... I’m so sorry.”

He was so tired all of a sudden. He knew he needed to leave before Chan woke up, and the best time to jump would be before the sun rose, because there would be less chance of being stopped, but it wouldn’t hurt to rest his eyes for just a... few... moments...

* * *

  
Why was he so warm? And... sore?

Jeongin cracked an eye open and started to panic. Where was he? He didn’t recognize the room at all! He tried to remember what happened leading up to this moment, his stomach sinking the more he remembered.

Glancing to his side, he saw Chan still sleeping soundly, bruises decorating his bare chest. He had one arm gently placed over Jeongin’s waist.

Jeongin couldn’t help but notice how cute he was when he was asleep.

“Shit-” He hissed, seeing the early morning light weakly coming through the windows. He checked his phone - it was five in the morning, and he had no other notifications. His friends knew he had gone out to the party, but it seemed either none of them were awake yet to check on him, or they just didn’t care.

He carefully extracted himself from Chan’s arm and snuck off the bed, hoping he wouldn’t wake the older boy. He froze, waiting for a few moments to see if Chan would move, and when he just continued to sleep peacefully, Jeongin glanced at his reflection in the full length mirror.

He was wearing just Chan’s hoodie, the hem falling just above his knees. It was so warm, and comfy, and it smelled so nice, but Jeongin couldn’t take it. It would just be a waste, seeing how he wouldn't be alive to enjoy it.

He slipped it off, wincing as his sore muscles tugged. He let out a silent gasp as he saw what Chan had done to him. Almost every inch of his chest was covered in bites, the purples looking so... beautiful against the pale of his skin. No wonder Chan kept calling him pretty - the bruises really were gorgeous.

He let his own fingers trace the finger-shaped bruises on his waist, pressing down on them and biting back a sharp kiss of pain. His left thigh was also a mess of bites and scratches and bruises from tight grips, but his right was clean of any marks left by Chan.

Tears stung his eyes as he silently gathered his own clothes and got dressed, putting the hoodie folded neatly on the desk. He felt like he should leave a note or something, but it wasn’t like he and Chan were close.

_You feel so fucking good pup. Look at you, so beautiful under me._

Jeongin bit his cheek hard. He didn’t need to be hung up on a one night stand, no matter how kind, and gentle, and... _loving_ Chan was.

Against his better judgement, before leaving the room Jeongin went back over to the bed and placed a soft kiss to the older boy’s cheek.

As a thank you, and a goodbye.

With a heavy heart, Jeongin slipped from the frat house, the early morning light so faint it barely lit up the yard. He figured he had at least two hours before the sun was up enough for people to care about the world.

Too bad he would no longer be in it by then.

Chan groaned and rolled over, wondering why his bed felt so empty. Opening his eyes, he squinted against the early morning light. Why did he always wake up so damn early when he drinks?

Sitting up, he noticed he wasn’t wearing a shirt. One look at the bites on his chest and the night before came rushing back to him. His entire body went bright red, embarrassment flooding his system like a drug.

Why had he been so bold!? He had never even spoken to the beautiful boy in his class before, and yet when he saw Jeongin awkwardly standing against the wall, all hesitation left him. He couldn’t believe how forward Jeongin had been, but there had been something else behind his desperate moans.

Something dangerous - something that seemed to say Jeongin didn’t care what happened to him for some reason.

With a frown, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, and he could feel how the sheets on the other side were still faintly warm. The front door opened and closed, but Chan paid it no mind. He was used to people coming and going, especially after a party. Even though it was just him, Changbin, Minho and Jisung in the house, they had at least fifteen unofficial roommates depending on the day.

He wondered if Jeongin would acknowledge Chan come Tuesday, when their class met, or if the younger boy would just... pretend nothing happened. As embarrassed as Chan would be to talk about it, he _really_ didn’t want to pretend the night never happened.

Changbin and Minho always teased him for being too much of a romantic, and maybe Jeongin had caught his attention on the very first day of classes.

Standing, Chan stretched and cracked his back loudly. Since he was awake, he might as well get a head start on cleaning up. He found tidying up from a party was almost cathartic in a way, for some reason.

He frowned again when he saw his hoodie folded nearly on his desk. He almost wished Jeongin had taken it with him, but he didn’t know how to voice that want. He knew the younger boy would be absolutely adorable in the oversized hoodie, but he missed out on seeing that sight last night.

Chan threw the hoodie on, wondering if it had smelled like him as Jeongin wore it. A small smile tugged at his lips.

Just as he opened his door, there was a strangled scream from the room across the hall from his. Instantly on edge, he knocked on Jisung’s door.

“Sung? What’s wrong?” He asked, concern rooting itself deep in his stomach. The door flew open, showing Jisung on the phone with one of his friends.

“H-hyung-” His voice shook, his eyes beginning to overflow.

“What’s going on?” he instantly scooped his friend into a hug, only to frown more when Jisung pushed him away.

“Jeongin-” He started to cry harder. Chan’s blood ran cold. He could see Hyunjin’s face in the small phone screen and remembered that Jisung and Hyunjin had gotten close in their humanities class, and that Hyunjin talked to Jisung about Jeongin quite a bit.

“Wh-what about Jeongin?” His voice shook.

“He- he le-left a n-note on his b-bed-” Hyunjin sobbed, his voice a little distorted from the call. “Fuck- hyung he’s gone-”

“What do you mean gone?”

Please... please no...

“He- he k-k-killed himself!” Hyunjin sobbed harder, coughing violently from the strength of his cries. Chan felt the floor drop out from under him.

“Th-that can’t be right,” His voice was small. “He... he was just in my b-bed... the sheets- the sh-sheets were w-warm-”

“What?” Jisung looked at his hyung with wide eyes. “Does that mean there’s still a chance?”

“Where would he have gone?” Chan desperately tried to think of where Jeongin would have chosen to spend his... final moment, but his brain was drawing a blank. He was panicking too much, and time was _quickly_ running out.

“THE BRIDGE-” Hyunjin screamed.

“Shit!” Jisung and Chan looked at each other at the same time before the older boy instantly sprinted from the house, not caring that the rocks were digging into his bare feet.

The campus bridge was known for suicides, to the point where there were emergency lines every ten feet that would automatically connect whoever picked the receiver up to the campus’ suicide hotline and a second set of railings that one would have to limbo around to get anywhere close to the edge.

He hated how it made sense. The sudden confidence, as if nothing mattered anymore.... In a sense, nothing did. If Jeongin had been planning on killing himself after the party, he wouldn’t have had any reason to hold back.

_Well, I was kinda expecting to suck some dick for some shots and get fucked by a stranger behind the house_

Had Jeongin really been okay with fucking some random person as the last thing he did on this planet? Chan pushed himself to run a little faster.

Fuck, what if someone had found Jeongin before he had? If someone else got the boy drunk and took advantage of him and left him hurt-  
Jeongin probably wouldn’t have cared, would he? 

Was that why Jeongin had started crying after they had fucked? Chan had chalked it up to heightened emotions, which often came after sex, but if he had known...

He could see the river that rushed under the bridge. He just needed to get around this curve and he would be able to see if-

“JEONGIN!” He screamed desperately, his voice cracking. Jeongin’s head whipped over to him, confusion and horror filling his face. He quickly tried to clamber over the railing, getting caught on the secondary one.

Chan wrapped his arms around Jeongin’s waist and tackled him to the ground, wrapping himself around the younger boy. Jeongin desperately tried to escape, thrashing and sobbing as the arms around him just tightened.

“L-let me go hyung-” He sobbed. “Pl-please let me j-jump-”

“No, I’m not going to fucking let you j-jump,” His words shook with his own tears. The adrenaline was coursing through his veins so fast that he thought he was going to be _sick_ but all that mattered was that Jeongin was safe. Jeongin was safe and he was _alive_. “Please don’t leave... please...”

“What’s the point hyung?” Jeongin stopped struggling, only to lay helpless against the older boy’s chest, silent tears running down painfully flushed cheeks. “I can’t even- I can’t even k-kill myself right-”

Chan cut him off with a kiss, tasting the tears on Jeongin’s lips. Jeongin fought back for a moment before leaning into Chan’s warmth, silently _begging_ for comfort.

“You’re going to be okay, angel,” Chan whispered against his lips. “Hyung has you. You’re going to be okay... you’re not alone pup.”

“JEONGIN!” More voices called. A stampede of footsteps came rushing up, causing the boy to hide his face in Chan’s shoulder.

Hyunjin was the first to fall to his knees next to Chan, reaching for Jeongin - as if to make sure he really was still alive. Jisung skidded to a stop next, followed closely by Seungmin and Felix. Minho and Changbin jogged up after, more confused as to why their friends suddenly raced out of the house.

“Don’t you- don’t you _ever_ fucking do that to me again!” Hyunjin all but screamed against Jeongin’s back. “You- you fucking _idiot_ -”

“Jinnie, it’s alright,” Jisung crouched next to Hyunjin, pulling his friend into a hug. “He’s okay. Channie huyng’s got him - he’s in good hands.”

“Wh-wh-what if-if h-h-hyung had b-b-been too l-l-late?” Hyunjin sobbed, his entire body shaking. Jisung was worried his friend might actually make himself throw up from how hard he was crying, and shifted so Hyunjin would have a place to vomit if need be.

“I’m sorry...” Jeongin whispered, near silent against Chan’s shoulder.

This wasn’t what he wanted. None of this was what he wanted! He wanted to go quietly, and have everyone move on with their lives.

He didn’t want them to hurt because of him.

He didn’t want Hyunjin to cry like his world was collapsing around him, or for Chan to hold him like he was going to evaporate. He didn’t mean for this to happen this way...  
He just wanted to make the pain stop, but all he did was push it onto the people he cared the most about.

“You’re alright,” Chan whispered again. “We’re here for you baby. We’re gonna help you through this, okay? You’re going to be alright.”

“Why don’t we go back to the house?” Minho suggested softly. It was too early for him to fully know what was going on, but he knew it was something serious. He gathered that someone had tried to jump, but he wasn’t sure who the boy was, seeing how he was almost completely engulfed by Chan’s arms.

Chan nodded and sat up, scooping Jeongin into his arms as though the younger boy weighed nothing at all, which in a sense was true. He hadn’t noticed the night before because he had been too drunk and too horny, but Jeongin was far too light.

Jeongin held on as though his life depended on it, dreading what was to come next.

* * *

  
“Do you want something to drink?” Chan asked gently. The other boys had let Chan bring Jeongin back up to his room to make sure the younger boy rested properly. They were still downstairs, picking up from the party that seemed to have happened _years_ ago. How was it not even noon yet?

“No thank you...” Jeongin hadn’t said a single word as they talked through what they were going to do next, just giving them nods or shakes to answer yes or no.

In the end, they decided to have Jeongin stay with one of them every single night for at least two weeks, and that he would have to at least apply for an on campus therapist.

They all knew outright saying he tried to kill himself would only make things worse, because they would try to take Jeongin away from them, and they _needed_ to know he was safe.

And the only way they would be able to do that was if Jeongin was with them.

It definitely helped that they had turned the living room into a giant pillow fort, where the eight of them would spend the rest of the weekend.

“Can... can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer...”

“Go ahead hyung.” Jeongin offered him a weak smile before his face dropped again. He was far too tired to pretend to be happy anymore.

“Was- was it something I did?” Part of him knew that couldn’t be it, because the letter had been placed for Hyunjin to find before Jeongin even came to the party, but he couldn’t shake the fear that it was something he had done that pushed Jeongin to the literal edge. He felt Jeongin’s breath catch.

“No... no of course not,” He shook his head and buried his face in the older boy’s shoulder again. In just one day, it had become Jeongin’s favorite place to be. He felt so... safe, when he was in Chan’s arms. “Actually... you- the reason you caught me was cuz I kept hesitating... I wanted last night to be- to be rough and meaningless so I could enjoy one last fuck and then- then go...”

“But?”

“But you were so-so nice to me,” His shoulders started to shake with tears again - how could he have any tears left? He thought he was all cried out. “You were so fucking n-nice and gentle and you made me feel good. You made me feel... wanted. Loved...”

“Because you are,” Chan pressed a kiss to Jeongin’s forehead. “You are good, and nice, and loved. You deserve to be treated well, because you’re so amazing. You said you didn’t think anyone would know your name because you don’t talk in class, but you didn’t have to for me to know about you because you’re all Hyunjin talks about to Sung, and the Sung talks about what Hyunjin told him... they love you so much.”

“Wh-why would they talk about me? I’m not that interesting.”

“I beg to differ,” Chan’s hands were warm and comforting on his back. “Sung’s shown me the videos of you singing.”

“Wh-what?” Jeongin flushed bright red.

“You’re so cute,” Chan’s face softened. He reached out and cupped the younger boy’s cheek, his thumb gently rubbing under Jeongin’s eyes. “God, we would have lost _so much_ if I hadn’t gotten to you in time...”

“Nu-uh...” Jeongin pouted, pressing his cheek into Chan’s hand, squishing his face a little. Chan just stared at him for a moment before giving a small smile. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to the corner of the boy’s mouth, not missing how Jeongin seemed to chase after him when he pulled away.

“Baby, will you let us love you?” he asked after a moment of silence.

“I’m not easy to love.”

“You’re so fucking easy to love,” Chan shook his head. “Everything you do makes me fall for you a little more?”

“What?” Jeongin squeaked a little, finally looking the older boy in the eye.

“I-I mean,” Chan’s ears burned red. “I... I guess I kind of had a crush on you from class? You don’t really talk much, but you always look so focused. Our first class together I couldn’t stop thinking about how handsome you were.”

“Hyung...” Jeongin eyes widened impossibly large.

“I didn’t realize the Baby Bread Jisung and Hyunjin would talk about all the time was you until they showed me a video of you pushing Seungmin down the hill,” Chan’s smile was soft, hesitant almost. Jeongin remembered that day - he had been extra depressed, so Hyunjin and Seungmin had dragged him out to meet their new friend Felix. They had a picnic on the campus green, and it ended with Felix daring Seungmin to roll down the hill, only for Jeongin to push him. “It’s so fucking cheesy, but I felt my heart skip a beat when I heard you laughing.”

“You’re right. That is fucking cheesy.” Jeongin said, throwing himself into Chan’s arms properly, letting the older boy hold him close.

“That’s me,” Chan chuckled. “Cheesy.”

“Do you think they’re going to hate me now?”

“Of course not,” Chan hummed, running a hand up and down the younger boy’s spine comfortingly. “They love you so much. They could never hate you. They just want you to be happy. _We_ just want you to be happy.”

“I’m scared.”

“And that’s okay,” Chan hoped Jeongin could hear the conviction behind his words. “No matter what happens, we’re going to support you. It’s okay to be scared. You’re feeling scary things, and living in a scary fucking time of your life.”

“Hyung?”

“Mm?”

“Can you kiss me again?”

“Of course, little one.” Chan pulled Jeongin up and did as he was asked, kissing the younger boy as if he were the most precious thing in the world. Jeongin must have been able to feel that, because he started crying silently into the kiss, his tears landing on their lips.

The others were going to finish cleaning and order food while Chan got Jeongin to take a nap. They figured if they could get him to sleep, they would try to wake him after two or three hours.

They had a feeling Jeongin hadn’t been eating much, so they wanted to make sure he had something filling but not too heavy on the stomach for dinner.

Chan deepened the kiss, pressing Jeongin back onto the bed. He would absolutely make sure Jeongin rested...

After he was finished showing the younger boy just how lovable he was.

**Author's Note:**

> Keira stop vent writing whenever you feel like shit challenge failed lmao this was just a random idea that I wasn't planning on writing, but after updating my fantasy Au I felt like nothing I write is good and no one will bother to read the fantasy ay that I'm putting so much effort into, so I spent three hours doing this because if I'm hurting, so are my faves :')
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/starlight1395


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